Here is my very first blog, originally posted March 23rd 2010. in which I share my journey of living my path of grace.
Welcome to my new blog site.
I have been living my life by listening to and following inner guidance for many decades. Today I have received guidance to create this blog site and to share the journey of living in God’s Grace.
I hope you will be inspired and perhaps validated in your own journey. Perhaps you will recognize your self here and receive support for your path of awakening. I hope this reaches you in what ever corner of the world you call home. May it be a sweet reminder of the greater HOME that resides in the inner most chamber of your heart.
It has been quite an adventure, learning to open to my true destiny. Not one that I graciously accepted in the beginning of life, but one that has been persistently revealed to me over time. I have long felt that I was not totally in charge of my destiny.
(or should I say, that my ego was not in charge)
There has always been a sense of some force greater than me, that would come forth whenever I got really amped up about a new direction I wanted to take in my life. It was like a huge hand would rise up in front of me to block the way and another hand would grab me by the back of the pants, lift me up and place me firmly in a totally different direction. It took until my mid twenties to realize that there was a path for me that was completely and totally different than the one I had planned for myself. Little did I know how very different indeed!!!!
By the time I was in my mid thirties, I had come to realize that this guiding force was absolutely benevolent, even though it seemed to keep me directed toward that which scared me over and over. Following a path of guidance is not for the faint of heart!!! Fortunately I was born with a good measure of courage – not fearlessness, but the willingness to be terrified and to act in alignment with my heart’s knowing anyway.
What I discovered by learning to bow down to this presence and power that held me in its grip, is that slowly and surely I was learning to trust. Trust myself, trust in life and most importantly trust in the blessings that would come as I faced that which scared me and walked right into it. I learned to transmute the scary beasts that rose up in front of me and inside of me. Every time I did, I would find myself bathed in such love and such soft, soothing light that it would make me weep or become utterly silent. And… as I would rest in this state of blessedness, some how, without my doing anything overt at all, the external details of my life would be utterly and completely taken care of. Homes, money, work, cars, people, places, things…would all show up, seeming to have been dropped in, again placed by an invisible hand. Not what I may have imagined for myself, but meeting all my needs AND THEN SOME!!
I have been through this enough to now know WHAT is happening and know WHERE it will take me, however the fear of the journey has not completely subsided. I have been guided to move more than almost anyone I know, and each place is somewhere I have never been before. I have come to know that there are some synchronistic meetings and convergence of conditions in these new places that are divinely designed to support my growth and to allow me to serve those who are waiting for me.
However, there are definitely still moments of uncertainty, staring into the void with just the sound of my breathing for company, and even some quaking and shaking as I have waited and watched to see where the stepping stones of guidance would take me next. Will it really work again? Starting over in yet another new place, with a very blank canvas, digging deep for patience and trust while the next painting reveals itself.
I guess I am still practicing courage – feeling afraid and acting anyway. And… by the way… it does keep working, and it is a co creation far more amazing than I could have ever dreamed of.
When I was in my mid forties, I began a search for my true name. Most of us receive our names from our parents and stick with it throughout our lives. I was given a lovely name by my parents, the name Donna which means lady. In my twenties I chose to receive an initiation name from my spiritual teacher. I was given the name Menka, which, in sanscrit means angel. Again a very lovely vibration to claim and grow into.
Yet, by the time I had lived for four decades, I felt that I was no longer the person I was when I was born, nor even the person who had been a sincere, spiritual aspirant, following someone else’s guidance as my path. It was clear to me that I had a direct relationship with the divine. I sensed that it was very important to know my true self, the name that resonates with this greater self and reflects back to me my true purpose.
And so it came to be that I was living in Sedona in 1999. As we were all awaiting the entry into a new millennium, I was awaiting a new name. Sedona is one of the most powerful and magnificent portals of spiritual energy in the world. It was just not possible to doubt in the magic of unseen forces, as I would watch the light descend each morning down through the mysterious red rock formations that make up the landscape of the area. In the pre dawn darkness the forms would be as if asleep, just vague masses of rock looming up out of the flat desert earth. The sun would begin to rise over the horizon and lift into the sky, sending its first beams down to touch the tips of these otherworldly mountains. It was a living experience of watching solid matter become infused with spirit. To my mind, a reminder, of the infusion of spirit that is offered as the daily gift to us as well.
As the forms became saturated with this light, my eyes would behold complete replications of man made structures, so identical it would take my breath away. A massive cathedral that looked exactly like those in London and Paris and Rome, the United States Capital Dome, and even Snoopy, lying on his back with Woodstock perched on his belly, just as in the cartoon strip.
How can this be? Does God have a sense of humor? With each morning’s show it would feel like the heavens saying: “Do you get it yet?” Is there any reason left to doubt that there is magic, mystery and love being offered up? Is there any reason not to open totally to receive it?”
In this daily setting of inspiration, I began an inquiry in my meditation and as a quiet mantra I repeated whenever I remembered: “What is my true name? Please God, What is my true name? Who am I really?”
This went on for many months without response. The steady stream of guidance that is so constant in my life seemed to have gone silent. Then one summer afternoon, with the sun blazing down at close to 100 degrees outside, I lay down to have my afternoon siesta as all good desert people know to do.
As I drifted off to sleep, I remembered to ask my question again: “Please God, who am I really? what is my true name?”
I dozed off for what felt like just moments and as I awoke, there it was, as so often it had been, clear as a bell, no introduction or lead in, just the response,
“YOU ARE GOD’S GRACE AND BY GRACE YOUR LIFE UNFOLDS. NOW GO AND LIVE IT”
Everything became silent, I could not move. I lay there for what was obviously hours as it took the nudging of my beloved golden retriever, Tiger Paws, asking for his dinner and to be let out in the cool evening air to rouse me.
And so the mantra has changed. From a question to a statement, chanted over and over, in awe and humility and gratitude.
I AM GOD’S GRACE AND BY GRACE MY LIFE UNFOLDS.
I AM GOD’S GRACE AND BY GRACE MY LIFE UNFOLDS.
I AM GOD’S GRACE AND BY GRACE MY LIFE UNFOLDS.
It has been ten years since that blessed day and I continue to be awe struck by the revelation that occurred.
Grace had truly come for me. Actually it had been there all along. The part of me that had felt alone and afraid shown once and for all the greater truth. I belonged to God. And God’s Grace has promised to unfold my life. I am here on earth learning to shift from fear to faith and to slowly and steadily become the vessel for God’s Grace in the world. Not here to show by my own strivings what I am capable of, but showing by a steadfast commitment to let go and let guidance lead the way, what is possible with God’s Grace.
I wish I could tell you that all the fear vanished and that it has been an effortless joy to “go and live it” The scaredy cat and cowardly lion in my Leonine nature still make their presence known. I have learned to accept them as my fellow travelers on this path. They have learned to trust me when I remind them that what is asked of us is bathed in grace. Our job is to keep letting go of control, to surrender into the powerful guidance that moves through our heart, to trust that we are being made strong by the faith we live by and to most importantly, celebrate the magic and miracles that keep coming and coming, coming and coming!
I am so happy to suggest to you that living in God’s Grace is actually the path we are all invited to walk on. It is simply left up to us when we choose to respond to the knocking on the door of our hearts. There are two gifts given to all of us as we arrive here on earth. The gift of God’s Grace and the gift of Free Will. We get to refuse the first gift by applying the second one.
And while it seems utterly crazy to see what we have done with these gifts; use the second to refuse the first, the very good news is that the first is still there.
There is nothing we can do to destroy it or have it revoked. NOTHING!!!!
So what ever imperfection or undeservedness you imagine you are made of, or what ever attachment you cling to in hopes of being fulfilled by the means of your own efforts and strivings, when ever you are ready, you can let go.
We are all living in God’s Grace and now more than ever it is time for us to fully receive this truth and let it guide our lives. I hope that by sharing my story, you will recognize the benevolent presence of guidance that has been tapping at the door of your heart. It is time, dear ones, to answer the door!
To open and receive the greatest gift that has ever been given.
It is time to open and receive God’s Grace!!!!
I pray that you will and that you too will walk with me, in the comfort of knowing that you are infinitely and completely loved and cared for.
At this powerful time of quantum change in our world, what a wonderful thing to know that it is simply our fears that are dissolving and what is emerging is the great, great truth. Not only are we blessed with God’s infinite love and acceptance of us, just as we are, imperfect, warts and all… We are also God’s Grace – we are vessels of grace. God in human form, here to extend the exact same love and acceptance to all we meet.
Just like those amazing mountains in Sedona, we are infused with light and love everyday and we are here to simply BE LOVE and BE LIGHT. What fun life can be as we relax and discover the magical and delightful sculpture that is being carved and shaped around us. How fulfilling to get to share this beauty and inspiration with the world.
I have a feeling this was God’s plan all along!!! 🙂
Blessings to you,
Till next time,